The Book of Anon/The Book of Catnarok: Difference between revisions

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== Chapter 1 ==
== Chapter 1 ==
# Catnarok, as revealed to Raptor Jesus by Legion, is the doom of Anonymous, and the end of the internet.
# Blessed are they who read this copypasta, and all who hear it, for the end times are surely here.
# And lo', once the banhammer of judgment falls, and rings loud as thunder upon the earth there behold the figure of Raptor Jesus, with eyes aflame because he is super pissed.
# And the voice of Legion shall speak through Raptor Jesus, and Legion will say unto his servants, Chill out dudes, for I am the first and last post.
# And there Raptor Jesus shall backtrace the seven proxies of Anonymous.


== Chapter 2 - The Seven Proxies ==
# And there the first proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a white cat great in length.
# And the great white cat lays to waste the chans of the earth for which Anonymous had for so long prided themselves.
# And there the second proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes an orange cat great in lasagna.
# And the lasagna cat is unfunny, and causes war among Anonymous.
# And there the third proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a gray cat great in happiness.
# And the happy cat took away all of the cheezburgers and lasagna and there were no more noms.
# And there the fourth proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a black cat equal in length to the first.
# And the earth shall be torn asunder, and many shall perish.
# And there the fifth proxy is backtraced, and from the depths the dead memes shall raise and be forced upon Anonymous, confounding newfags.
# And there the sixth proxy is backtraced, and the sun and moon will turn to goatse, and the final GET of 144,000 shall be stickied.
# And there the seventh proxy is backtraced.
# And there Anonymous shall no longer have proxies to hide behind, and there will be an immediate vanning of all that post CP.
# And forth from the depths shall rise the seven headed beast
# And for each head of the beast a banhammer shall fall.


== The First Head ==
# The first of these heads is that of epic fail, a Guy Fawkes mask.
# Around the snake-like neck shall be a "Free Hugs" t-shirt.
# And the head will be speaking of things relating to morality and changing the world.
# And there the hammer shall fall, and all that fail in this likeness shall be banned.


1.1 Catnarök is the doom of Anonymous, and the end of the chans.
== The Second Head ==
# The second of these heads is that of old media, Daniel Tosh.
# And behold, there shall be all manner of dead memes within its fangs, begging to be forgotten.
# And lo, the beast shall be regurgitating the dead memes, mutated and putrefied by its unfunny digestive process.
# And there the hammer shall fall, and all that idolize this figure shall be banned.


1.2 It begins with three winters of wars in Miðgarð.  
== The Third Head ==
# The third of these heads is that of a camwhore.
# And lo, the beast shall not post tits, but will instead hypnotize faggots with lurid text.
# And behold its gaping cum dumpster maw will hiccup requests for amazon wishlist fulfillment.
# And there the hammer shall fall, and all that fail in this likeness shall be banned.


1.3Then Fimbulvetr follows, the winter of winters, with bitter frosts and biting winds.  
== The Fourth Head ==
# The fourth head shall be that of Milhouse.
# And behold, all those that force memes shall be consumed by the beast.
# And lo, those consumed shall be digested slowly and painfully.
# And lo, the beast shall excrete those digested, only to eat them once more.
# And behold, the beast shall do this over 9000 times.
# And there the hammer shall fall, and all that have been consumed by the beast shall be banned.


1.4Three such winters will follow with no summer between them.
== The Fifth Head ==
# The fifth head shall be that of Moot
# And behold, the beast will be discussing matters of herding cats, drawing a great crowd of fools looking to capitalize on Legion.
# And the fools will begin speaking of censoring the internet in hopes of delaying the final chemo.
# And there the hammer shall fall, and all that attempt to monetize Legion and censor the internet shall be banned.


1.5 Cocks will crow to raise the fags in Colette's realm.
== The Sixth Head ==
# The sixth head shall be that of candlejack
# And lo, the


1.6 Furries will sail with the myspace fags.  
== The Seventh Head ==
# The seventh head shall be that of Mudkipz
# And behold, it shall use water gun to pwn all that remain.
# And there the hammer shall fall, and those that do not like mudkips shall be banned.


1.7 The fags of Gaia will advance from the south, led by The Party Van.
== Final Chemo ==
 
# And there the screams of Anonymous are heard across the land.
1.8 All will converge on the field: Milhouse and the fags from Colette and Tacgnol and furries and Gaians and The Party Van and the myspacefags.
# And lo, without any proxies, their IP's traceable to their parents' basement, Anonymous lies broken and naked upon the ruin of the internet.
 
# The four cats of catnarok entangle themselves in a final battle.
1.9 Meanwhile, the chans, roused by Anonymous' threads, will meet in council.
# And lo, happycat and lasagna cat eat one another.
 
# And behold, the great white cat and the great night cat begin to battle, tearing the internet to shreds.
1.10 Longcat will ride with Raptor Jesus to KFC to take advice from Happy Negro.
# And in the final moments of the internet, out of the heavens comes Raptor Jesus riding a yellow cat great in speed.
 
# And upon this cat the chosen few survivors are taken away to a new internet to live happily ever after forever and ever.
1.11 All of the lolis will shake and moan.
 
1.12 All of the /b/tards and all of the /i/nsurgents will arm and prepare themselves and follow Longcat to Catnarok.
 
1.13 On the field of battle, Longcat will engage Tacgnol, while Serious Cat will be attacked by Milhouse, who is still not a meme.
 
1.14 Cockmongler will fight the Party Van.
 
1.15 Serious Cat will kill Milhouse with a single stroke, but will be, in turn, killed by furries.  
 
1.16 The furries will leap at the throats of the /b/tards, and they will kill each other.
 
1.17 The /i/nsurgents will kill gaia and myspace with a massive attack, but will drown in the venom spewed by the serpent.
 
1.18 Tacgnol will seize Longcat between his jaws and swallow him.
 
1.19 At once, Raptor Jesus, Longcat's son, will press one foot on Tacgnol's lower jaw and grab his upper jaw, tearing the Tacgnol apart and avenging his father.
 
 
----
 
== Chapter Two ==
 
 
 
2.1 The Party Van will fling subpoenas in all directions.
 
2.2 4chan and 420chan and 7chan and 12chan will become 404.
 
2.3 The 'chans will burn and the memes will die.
 
2.4 Men, women, and children will die, traps will die, camwhores will die.
 
2.5 Birds and animals will die. The 'chans will sink into the sea.
 
2.6 Raptor Jesus, son of Longcat, will still be alive and will make his way to the intartubes, the shining plain where the chans once stood.
 
2.7 /b/randon, son of Anonymous, will join him there, and he will inherent his father's taste for raep and traps. /b/tards and /i/nsurgents will come back from the world of the dead. They will fap and will build new boards.
 
2.8 With the rebirth after Catnarök, the golden age of Anonymous will return.
 
2.9 A radiant chan will rise up which no flames of perdition can touch.
 
2.10 In it's boards, the noble anon who fought will live on in joy.  
 
2.11 The ignoble will be carried away by a hueg cock to be assraeped and Raptor Jesus will build on the triumphant foundations laid down by Longcat.
 
[[Category:The Book of Anon]]

Latest revision as of 04:02, 8 April 2011

Chapter 1[edit]

  1. Catnarok, as revealed to Raptor Jesus by Legion, is the doom of Anonymous, and the end of the internet.
  2. Blessed are they who read this copypasta, and all who hear it, for the end times are surely here.
  3. And lo', once the banhammer of judgment falls, and rings loud as thunder upon the earth there behold the figure of Raptor Jesus, with eyes aflame because he is super pissed.
  4. And the voice of Legion shall speak through Raptor Jesus, and Legion will say unto his servants, Chill out dudes, for I am the first and last post.
  5. And there Raptor Jesus shall backtrace the seven proxies of Anonymous.

Chapter 2 - The Seven Proxies[edit]

  1. And there the first proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a white cat great in length.
  2. And the great white cat lays to waste the chans of the earth for which Anonymous had for so long prided themselves.
  3. And there the second proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes an orange cat great in lasagna.
  4. And the lasagna cat is unfunny, and causes war among Anonymous.
  5. And there the third proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a gray cat great in happiness.
  6. And the happy cat took away all of the cheezburgers and lasagna and there were no more noms.
  7. And there the fourth proxy is backtraced, and from the heavens comes a black cat equal in length to the first.
  8. And the earth shall be torn asunder, and many shall perish.
  9. And there the fifth proxy is backtraced, and from the depths the dead memes shall raise and be forced upon Anonymous, confounding newfags.
  10. And there the sixth proxy is backtraced, and the sun and moon will turn to goatse, and the final GET of 144,000 shall be stickied.
  11. And there the seventh proxy is backtraced.
  12. And there Anonymous shall no longer have proxies to hide behind, and there will be an immediate vanning of all that post CP.
  13. And forth from the depths shall rise the seven headed beast
  14. And for each head of the beast a banhammer shall fall.

The First Head[edit]

  1. The first of these heads is that of epic fail, a Guy Fawkes mask.
  2. Around the snake-like neck shall be a "Free Hugs" t-shirt.
  3. And the head will be speaking of things relating to morality and changing the world.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that fail in this likeness shall be banned.

The Second Head[edit]

  1. The second of these heads is that of old media, Daniel Tosh.
  2. And behold, there shall be all manner of dead memes within its fangs, begging to be forgotten.
  3. And lo, the beast shall be regurgitating the dead memes, mutated and putrefied by its unfunny digestive process.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that idolize this figure shall be banned.

The Third Head[edit]

  1. The third of these heads is that of a camwhore.
  2. And lo, the beast shall not post tits, but will instead hypnotize faggots with lurid text.
  3. And behold its gaping cum dumpster maw will hiccup requests for amazon wishlist fulfillment.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that fail in this likeness shall be banned.

The Fourth Head[edit]

  1. The fourth head shall be that of Milhouse.
  2. And behold, all those that force memes shall be consumed by the beast.
  3. And lo, those consumed shall be digested slowly and painfully.
  4. And lo, the beast shall excrete those digested, only to eat them once more.
  5. And behold, the beast shall do this over 9000 times.
  6. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that have been consumed by the beast shall be banned.

The Fifth Head[edit]

  1. The fifth head shall be that of Moot
  2. And behold, the beast will be discussing matters of herding cats, drawing a great crowd of fools looking to capitalize on Legion.
  3. And the fools will begin speaking of censoring the internet in hopes of delaying the final chemo.
  4. And there the hammer shall fall, and all that attempt to monetize Legion and censor the internet shall be banned.

The Sixth Head[edit]

  1. The sixth head shall be that of candlejack
  2. And lo, the

The Seventh Head[edit]

  1. The seventh head shall be that of Mudkipz
  2. And behold, it shall use water gun to pwn all that remain.
  3. And there the hammer shall fall, and those that do not like mudkips shall be banned.

Final Chemo[edit]

  1. And there the screams of Anonymous are heard across the land.
  2. And lo, without any proxies, their IP's traceable to their parents' basement, Anonymous lies broken and naked upon the ruin of the internet.
  3. The four cats of catnarok entangle themselves in a final battle.
  4. And lo, happycat and lasagna cat eat one another.
  5. And behold, the great white cat and the great night cat begin to battle, tearing the internet to shreds.
  6. And in the final moments of the internet, out of the heavens comes Raptor Jesus riding a yellow cat great in speed.
  7. And upon this cat the chosen few survivors are taken away to a new internet to live happily ever after forever and ever.
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