Furry

Furries are the scum of the earth. Forget Jews. Hitler should have gone after these delusional, overweight and reclusive fuckers. Letting them wander free is like letting niggers roam around with no master; you end up with ghettos and drive-by shootings! Furries are people who like to pretend or role-play that they are human-like animals or monsters. The "characters" they portray can range from a real deer to an imaginary dragon to anthropomorphs, the worst perversion of humanity possible, such as a cartoon catgirl with a human body but a cat's ears, nose and tail. Not a pretty sight. Many furries are underage girls that lie about their age to get in on the yiff action, probably scarring their little minds for life.

Most furries roleplay several, or even many characters. For any specific game or website, a furry must choose one of the characters to be their main character, or "fursona". This gives them a name and description while still allowing them to remain anonymous. In other words, every furfag is by definition a namefag.

They often want to yiff (cybersex) with other furry characters. The word "yiff" started out as meaning just a sound that foxes make, as in "'Yiff, yiff,' says SexehFox. 'Oooh you is one sexeh fox,' Foxella yiffs back." Of course, it wasn't long before "yiff" became a furfag code word for "fuck" as in "SexehFox yiffs Foxella up teh ass. 'Wrong hole!' Foxella meeps!"

Furries are typically artfags, and are in abundance on art sites like DeviantART, where they can share their crappy, poorly proportioned drawings with other furries. There are also smaller but much gheyer sites dedicated to furries, such as FurAffinity, which sometimes allows full on porn.

If they suck at drawing so badly that even other furries don't want to look at their scibbles, they will migrate to MMOs like Second Life, Furcadia and GaiaOnline where they can make their avatars look like cartoon animals.

No matter their imaginary form or habits, they are all horrible and need to meet a horrible death at the receiving end of a flamethrower Lead pipe TOOTHPICK WHICH IS TO BE SHOVED WITH A BARE HAND INTO THEIR FUCKING BRAIN. LOL

Horrors of History

Furfags go back a lot longer than you think. Remember Mickey Mouse, or an early perverted version, Fritz the Cat? Ever notice how so many fairy tales had talking animals in them? (The original stories were not so kid-friendly as the bullshit versions we have today.)

Now let's go all the way back to ancient Egypt. They had furries back then like Bastet, the half-cat goddess, Hathor who was half cow, Sekhmet who was half lioness, Taueret who was half hippo with huge pendulous tits, and many many others, even one called Nut! Think about it: the Egyptians were niggers, they kept Jews as slaves, and they worshiped furries! They were like a one-stop shop for all things fail.

I'd keep going all the way back to petroglyphs and cave paintings which often displayed people with animal heads, but who really gives a fuck?

Types of furries

Sun Tzu once wrote, "know your enemy". Well here are the most disgusting furtypes on the interbutts.

Regular "Furry" Animals

These are the kinds of animals you read about in storybooks as a kid. Well, except here the focus is on how the characters make little ones of their own. You can watch your childhood get raeped as Mother Goose spreads her cunt wide open and Peter Rabbit spooges from his enormous rabbit peter!

Foxies

Foxes are the furries' most common fursona. We think this is because of Disney's early glorification of antropomorphic foxes in movies like Robin Hood. Foxes are typically eccentric and hyperactive, making sure everyone knows that "foxes like to yiff" about 12 times a second. It's really a sad sight; death row inmates feel sorry for them and priests want to yiff their children mercy kill them.

Bunnies

Argh! Not this popular animal shit again! Bunnies are a notable archetype, because furfags usually liek being predators and not prey. Bunnies will often be some grotesque Bugs-Bunny-like human/rabbit hybrid who spends its days in depraved fairy tale forests with strip clubs and prostitutes. They tend to be the faggiest of them all.

Neko Girls

Neko is Japanese for kitten. Kitten + Girl = Furry. It's probably all the Japs' fault, those bastards. It is important to know, though, that neko is not necessarily furry. See: Liru

Scalies

You'd think that "furry" would be limited to mammals, caterpillars, tarantulas and certain types of mold, but no, there is even "furry" perversion for reptiles. WTF? Snakes and alligators with bewbs??? What other twisted things could be going on in their minds?

Birdies

I know I've seen pr0n with bird characters, but I don't know what the fuck they call it, so I'm calling it "birdies". Anyway, everybody except the director of Howard the Duck knows that birds can't have bewbs. What kind of shit is this?

Other

There must be a furry rule 34 because you can find furry pr0n with just about any living thing, including insects, plants, alien things, and whatever. The only things I can't recall seeing are fish, mollusks, amphibians and non-living things like toasters. (Toaster pr0n FTW!)

Segafurs

Sega character-based furries are a cancer that is killing Sonic. As Sonic the Hedgehog grew from an environmentalist on the Sega Genesis into an xtreme radical dude on the Dreamcast, he picked up a few friends along the way. And I do mean all kinds of them. Furfags often role play as Tails (who is a fucking fox, no less) and Knuckles (an echidna, what the fuck is an echidna), according to my VMU it's because they are fucking gay. Ever since the modern Sonic character design came out, rule 34 hell broke loose. Most people would rather GTFO than see a picture of Cream get reamed and creamed by Tails while Sonic spin dashes Amy Rose's snatch.

Pokefurs and Digifurs

Thanks to xtreme marketing, many kidz have grown to love Pokemon...and I mean literally. If you doubt how widespread this problem is, just look in the upper left corner of this website: doesn't that tell you something? Besides mudkips, there are hundreds of these deformed freaks that incessantly squawk their own names waiting for some sick fuck to "choose" them. Furfags draw all sorts of pokemon fucking in every imaginable unnatural combination. Even worse are the ones that obsess over Digimon. You can find pictures of Renamon doing indecent acts all over the fucking place. Oh, and both types of pr0n feature little girlz and boyz that often appear with the characters, getting fucked by the disgusting digi-pedos (making it a sick lolicon pedofur combination).

The Monsterfuckers

If you think the Sonic 34s are bad news, you will shit brix when you meet these faggots. These furfags love everything that a real geek spends all day slaying. Nagas for example, medusa-like sea creatures, can regularly be seen erotically asphyxiating obese furfags. Arachnids, spider-people, spend their days getting eyesocketfucked in one of their many eyeballs. They all belong to the group of furries, who want to suck fantasy pron into the unholy chaos of yiffing. And they're srs about it. When you surf on eBaum's, you'll find tons of pictures of misshapen monsters ready to mongle your cock. Evade this crap and nuke it from orbit (hack a satellite) at all cost.

Babyfurs

Better known as itty bitty babies, these crazy pups, kittens, ducklings and hatchlings role play as animal babies who crap their diapers and have other people change them. Yes gentlemen, we are talking about coprophiliac paraphilic infantilism. These "people" are typically so far gone as to make the other furries seem like a breath of fresh air. In fact, the other furries run and hide when they see them. They must die for the sake of the Internet, humanity and extraterrestrial relations. Think we're exaggerating? Read up on orca stacks. That's all that needs to be said.

Pedofurs

And then there are the pedofurs who stroke their rods while looking at cartoons of "cubs", not real cubs but basically children with fur, tails and animal ears, showing off their bits and getting raeped by the adult furries. This is really just the furry version of loli, shota, etc. and has the same kind of disgusting following. Hated even by other furries, these bastards hide in even darker corners of the interwebs, like Secretly Moon and shit. They must be locked in their little hiding holes and killed with fire!

Lifestylers

What we have here are furries who truly believe they are animals. They wear animal suits constantly or have their bodies modified to more resemble the animal they believe dwells within them. They are often seen saying things along the lines of "(random animal/thing) lives within me, giving me power and strength. One day I will become (random animal/thing)." Some throw around words like "wereism" and "lycanthropism" and talk as if they were real life werewolves. They're like the shape-shifting druid in Diablo II, except with no ass-kickery to offset the furfaggery, other than the power to get a hard on while watching the neighbor's dog take a shit.

Otherkins

An otherkin is someone who thinks they're an ancient dragon, vampire, fallen angel, Orc Waaghboss or some shit like that. Technically they are the same kind of idiot as furry lifestylers, but twice as uppity and even more arrogant. A perfect waste of life and oxygen.

Fetishists

Furfags are very tolerant in terms of sexuality. Even if your fetish is to get punched by old men wielding zucchinis while you piss yourself in a pool full of balloons, you have a place in the dementia that is the furry community. The furfaggotry is full of fetishes, and to try to count them, much less describe them all, will lead to madness.

Plushophiles

Yes, as in the dumb little grinning cuddly teddy bears. Nobody should have to imagine cute little dolls, gutted and pumped full of sperm in the dark of the night or fitted with a strapon or the inner parts of a Fleshlight. You don't even want to know what they did to the plushies of Meeko from Pocahontas. Say goodbye to what childhood memories you had left.

Fursuiters

The yiffing will sometimes go beyond cybering, and turn into awkward sex while wearing a fursuit (basically like a mascot costume for a sports team or amusement park). Thankfully for the sake of decency, this is rare, as most furries fear the sunlight outside their mom's basement.

Zoophiles

Zoophilia means sex with animals...as in REAL animals. This has no more to do with furry than hentai has to do with real raep or loli has to do with real child raep, but it's still sick. If you thought everything you read here up to now was bad, try to imagine being a helpless golden retriever being chased around a smelly basement by a madman (and/or sometimes a madwoman) with a jar of peanut butter.

• There have been reports of zoophiles dying from getting their intestines pierced by a horse's dick. This is very dangerous and anybody who does it will probably die. It's a better idea to get prison gang raeped up the ass, srsly.
• For your consideration: Poeticirony aka Dogmongler is a fat, ugly 14-year-old version of Velma, and she got herself sum Scooby Snacks, namely her dog's dick. ED has the scoop.

Furries support Anonymous against Scientology WTF?

The group known as the TheFurluminati have pledged support of Anonymous's war against Scientology on Youtube. "Yeah, a lot of us are fucked up in a lot of ways, myself included. Doesn't mean we can't recognize that Scientology is an evil organization. I support thee." - some furry from a Renaissance faire Clearly, we haven't hit the furfags nearly hard enough. Then again, it may be the fact that furries are self-hating, delusional fucktards making them claim to support us. In that case RAEP HARDER!